Chapter 7: Parents Only!
Statistics show every 3 minutes, a food allergy reaction sends someone to the emergency department – that is more than 200,000 emergency department visits per year. But when you are the mother of a child with severe food allergies, it seems like the only person who is ever in the hospital with anaphylaxis is your child. The biggest fear about college is that he or she will have a reaction and you won't be there to make sure proper emergency care is administered.
While eating lunch at school the March of senior year, Lily developed an allergy to a food to which she never had a reaction. A food she had packed for herself in her lunch. Two epinephrine injections, one ambulance ride, a nebulizer treatment, iv medicines and a dose of steroids later she was breathing and talking to the emergency room staff about going to college six hours from home. I was totally freaked out. I wish I could say it was our first emergency room visit. I wish I could say it was her first ambulance transport. The emergency room nurse told me I was crazy. She should stay home and do online school.
After we visited the college of her choice and saw how tiny those freshman dorms were with no place and no way to cook, we made a deal. Lily could go away to college if she agreed to live alone in an apartment and cook for herself in an environment free of cross-contamination. To prepare, she began food shopping and cooking for herself as a senior in high school. She would also handle all her meds, refills and calling the doctor's office on occasion when needed. She even took herself to the primary care doc who would treat her without a parent even though she was under 18.
If you are the parent of a child with multiple food allergies who has had reactions, who has asthma, and who really wants to go away to college, I highly recommend reading every single section of this website, don't skip a word. But try to let your teenager take the lead turning all of the advice into his or her personal action plan. The more he or she does alone, the better prepared she or he will be to go to college.
There are a few parts of the plan that may need your intervention: dealing with disabilities services, preparing the health care power of attorney, calling the medical center for the Care Everywhere ID number and buying the mobile emergency alert system.
Pulling out of the hospital parking lot that March evening I knew the mobile alert system was the only way I was going to get any sleep for the coming four years. Lily has only been in college for a couple of months as I am writing this. But I can share a few positive observations:
Living alone and taking care of yourself is empowering and allows you to take control of your health and safety. Once you get passed "who is going to be there if she has a reaction?" (mobile emergency alert system), it really takes away the stress. Think about it, no roommate to spray a perfume that is going to give her an asthma attack!
High school is the worst. Aside from the new allergy Lily developed during her senior year, every other food reaction and asthma attack she had in high school - and there were many - were caused by the carelessness or thoughtlessness of other students or school staff. Some high school students are not super careful about the impact their actions have on other people. Even some adults who work in schools don't understand the severity of an allergy. In college, buildings where people eat are separate from classroom buildings. Meetings where people eat aren't generally held in classrooms. It's easier to pick and choose who you surround yourself with and the activities in which you participate (no mandatory trip to the homeless shelter to cook with ingredients to which you are allergic). Not everyone at college does every single activity. So if you opt out, you aren't left out. You just do what you want to do. I think that makes a huge difference and is the main reason college is safer than high school. And, generally college students are more mature than high school students. So don't think that because your student has had a tough time controlling reactions in high school that college will be the same, or worse.
That said, if your student has multiple severe complex allergies to ubiquitous ingredients, and tries to eat and drink at restaurants, dining halls and parties - college may be a minefield. That is why we have rule #2: no drinking - it lowers your ability to make good decisions and you don't really know what is in the alcohol. If your severely food allergic teen can't abide by that, maybe he or she isn't ready to be far away from home. Think I am being naive and unrealistic? Think again. I know my daughter doesn't want to have a reaction at college and I know that I can trust her to put her health first. Maybe your child isn't as allergic to as many things. Then you don't have to have that rule. But if you are paying for college, you get to make that decision - just like you get the final say on the best living arrangement for your child.
Lastly, having food allergies in college and not being able to do everything that everyone else does or eat what everyone else eats or try alcohol is not fun. Managing doctors appointments on top of studies is a pain. I realize that. So, do what you can. You can't change reality. But, you can send fun halloween decorations instead of candy in a care package. You can send gift cards for movies. You can send safe snacks. You can go on the first visits to the new doctors together during summer registration. You can encourage your student to pursue his or her passion in every single way possible during those undergrad years. They should take advantage of every opportunity. They won't even notice they aren't out partying because they will be totally engrossed in becoming the adult version of themselves. And you will sit back and be proud.
While eating lunch at school the March of senior year, Lily developed an allergy to a food to which she never had a reaction. A food she had packed for herself in her lunch. Two epinephrine injections, one ambulance ride, a nebulizer treatment, iv medicines and a dose of steroids later she was breathing and talking to the emergency room staff about going to college six hours from home. I was totally freaked out. I wish I could say it was our first emergency room visit. I wish I could say it was her first ambulance transport. The emergency room nurse told me I was crazy. She should stay home and do online school.
After we visited the college of her choice and saw how tiny those freshman dorms were with no place and no way to cook, we made a deal. Lily could go away to college if she agreed to live alone in an apartment and cook for herself in an environment free of cross-contamination. To prepare, she began food shopping and cooking for herself as a senior in high school. She would also handle all her meds, refills and calling the doctor's office on occasion when needed. She even took herself to the primary care doc who would treat her without a parent even though she was under 18.
If you are the parent of a child with multiple food allergies who has had reactions, who has asthma, and who really wants to go away to college, I highly recommend reading every single section of this website, don't skip a word. But try to let your teenager take the lead turning all of the advice into his or her personal action plan. The more he or she does alone, the better prepared she or he will be to go to college.
There are a few parts of the plan that may need your intervention: dealing with disabilities services, preparing the health care power of attorney, calling the medical center for the Care Everywhere ID number and buying the mobile emergency alert system.
Pulling out of the hospital parking lot that March evening I knew the mobile alert system was the only way I was going to get any sleep for the coming four years. Lily has only been in college for a couple of months as I am writing this. But I can share a few positive observations:
Living alone and taking care of yourself is empowering and allows you to take control of your health and safety. Once you get passed "who is going to be there if she has a reaction?" (mobile emergency alert system), it really takes away the stress. Think about it, no roommate to spray a perfume that is going to give her an asthma attack!
High school is the worst. Aside from the new allergy Lily developed during her senior year, every other food reaction and asthma attack she had in high school - and there were many - were caused by the carelessness or thoughtlessness of other students or school staff. Some high school students are not super careful about the impact their actions have on other people. Even some adults who work in schools don't understand the severity of an allergy. In college, buildings where people eat are separate from classroom buildings. Meetings where people eat aren't generally held in classrooms. It's easier to pick and choose who you surround yourself with and the activities in which you participate (no mandatory trip to the homeless shelter to cook with ingredients to which you are allergic). Not everyone at college does every single activity. So if you opt out, you aren't left out. You just do what you want to do. I think that makes a huge difference and is the main reason college is safer than high school. And, generally college students are more mature than high school students. So don't think that because your student has had a tough time controlling reactions in high school that college will be the same, or worse.
That said, if your student has multiple severe complex allergies to ubiquitous ingredients, and tries to eat and drink at restaurants, dining halls and parties - college may be a minefield. That is why we have rule #2: no drinking - it lowers your ability to make good decisions and you don't really know what is in the alcohol. If your severely food allergic teen can't abide by that, maybe he or she isn't ready to be far away from home. Think I am being naive and unrealistic? Think again. I know my daughter doesn't want to have a reaction at college and I know that I can trust her to put her health first. Maybe your child isn't as allergic to as many things. Then you don't have to have that rule. But if you are paying for college, you get to make that decision - just like you get the final say on the best living arrangement for your child.
Lastly, having food allergies in college and not being able to do everything that everyone else does or eat what everyone else eats or try alcohol is not fun. Managing doctors appointments on top of studies is a pain. I realize that. So, do what you can. You can't change reality. But, you can send fun halloween decorations instead of candy in a care package. You can send gift cards for movies. You can send safe snacks. You can go on the first visits to the new doctors together during summer registration. You can encourage your student to pursue his or her passion in every single way possible during those undergrad years. They should take advantage of every opportunity. They won't even notice they aren't out partying because they will be totally engrossed in becoming the adult version of themselves. And you will sit back and be proud.