A few weeks ago I had a bad anaphylactic reaction. I didn't get it. I did everything right but my reaction wasn't going away even after getting I got two shots of epinephrine an albuterol and racemic epinephrine breathing treatment before the paramedics arrived (shout out to my awesome friends for their assistance). When they arrived I was doing slightly better but the reaction wasn't stopped and was still progressing.  When we got in the ambulance the paramedics tried to figure out why the reaction wasn't stopping. After a host of iv meds, some more epi and two breathing treatments, I arrived at the hospital sleepy (shout out to the IV benadryl) but feeling significantly better. 

What didn't make sense though was the fact that I used my auvi-q like I should have--right as I noticed signs of reaction. I knew I had only been exposed to a small amount to my allergen so it also didn't make sense that I would still be reacting after two doses of epi. Usually when I get epi during a reaction, I instantly am fixed but this time it wasn't the case. This time I felt a feeling of impending doom after the first epi. Things got bright and I got scared. It didn't make sense, that wasn't how my other anaphylactic reactions progressed.

Then today, I figured out why my reaction got so bad. It was because my auvi-q failed me and didn't deliver the right amount of medication. Essentially, due to the incorrect dosage, I had delayed using a full dose of epi for about 10 minutes. Normally, if the first dose of epi didn't work, I would get a second. This time I only had half the dose of epi in my system. It would be easy to be mad at Sanofi, but I love my auvi-q. I love that it has saved my life multiple times. I love it's size and ease of use. I love the no-jab injection feature. I am truly devastated to learn that tomorrow I will once again be filling an epipen prescription.

I have always thought as epipens and auvi-qs as life in a vial. Their needles don't scare me because I know when I need them, they will save my life. What scares me though the most is to think that they might not save my life--that my "safety blanket" might not always be able to keep me safe.

I am always a fan of the silver linings in situations. I think the silver lining in this one is that it is important to call 911. I have a history of not calling 911 (and I know lots of teens who do to). As an EMT I have a hard time being the patient in the back of the ambulance instead of the provider. Had my friends not gone behind my back and called 911 on me during my last reaction, I would have been SOL and OOE (out of epi). From now on, I will be calling 911 when I use my epinephrine because I have learned that epinephrine isn't a sure fix (even though it is a scary reality). 

Please friends, be safe. Carry your auto-injector. Please don't hesitate to use it and call 911 in the event of a reaction. If you are like me and are going to have to switch back to the epipen after years of having the auvi-q, be sure to practice with the trainer so you are comfortable in the event of an emergency. I am tired of seeing allergy deaths on my Facebook news feed. Come on guys, just a few more years until food allergies are cured and we won't need to carry around any auto-injectors!!

-Lily

Let's be honest, we all know that person (or maybe you are blessed enough to know more than one person) who uses the term allergy to describe their diet even if they don't really have an allergy. Maybe they have an intolerance, or an eating disorder, are looking for attention, trying to loose some weight or just trying to avoid a food for one reason or another. Maybe you are that person. 

If you are that person, honestly I am not here to judge. I don't need to know if you avoid the food(s) you claim your allergen(s) because it turns your poop blue or if you avoid it just to get some special attention. What I care about is your misuse of the word allergy. 

The Mayo Clinic defines food allergy as, "an immune system reaction that occurs soon after eating a certain food. Even a tiny amount of the allergy-causing food can trigger signs and symptoms such as digestive problems, hives or swollen airways. In some people, a food allergy can cause severe symptoms or even a life-threatening reaction known as anaphylaxis." Saying you are allergic to something implies you have an immune system response to your "allergen(s)" that could potentially be life-threatening. When you tell people you are allergic and you aren't, you undermine the severity of the term. For example, when you demand from the waiter that they prepare your meal dairy free because of your dairy allergy as you scarf down bread and butter, you send a message to the waiter that you that people with food allergies are whiny little fakers. The waiter consciously, or subconsciously makes a note that people who claim they have food allergies might not actually have a reaction. When the same waiter then takes a real allergy customer less seriously and sends them into anaphylaxis, that is where problems come in. 

The bottom line is, don't say you have food allergies if you don't. Here are some terms you can use instead:

• Intolerance- If your body doesn't make the enzyme to break down a certain food. Ex: "I am intolerant to milk."
• Vegan- if you avoid meat, eggs, milk and other animal products because you believe in being vegan. Ex: "I am vegan so I choose not to eat milk, eggs, meat or any animal products."
• Vegetarian- if you avoid meat because you believe that is the right thing to do. Ex: "I am a vegetarian and choose not to eat meat or fish." 
• Picky- if you are a picky eater--well because you are a picky eater. Ex: "I am picky, I hope you don't mind that I don't eat..."
• Diet- if you are avoiding certain foods because you are on a diet to loose weight. Ex: "I am trying to shed a few pounds so I am not eating..."
• Gluten-free- if you are gluten free simply because you think it will improve your health but you are not actually intolerant to gluten or a celiac patient. Ex: "I am gluten-free so I avoid gluten but am no allergic and don't have celiac disease."
• Casein-Free diet- If you are on a casein free diet for reasons other than being intolerant or allergic to milk. Ex: "I am on a casein-free diet because it makes me feel better."
• Attention Seeking- if you are avoiding foods that you don't otherwise have a reason to avoid solely for extra attention or special treatment. Ex: "I avoid foods because I do and it is a personal problem I am working though. I ask that you don't feed me... but I would like you to know I am not allergic."

If you still aren't getting the picture, maybe this will put in into perspective. Saying you have an allergy when you don't is like saying:

• You have depression when you are just sad for one day.
• You are bipolar just because you are in a bad mood but then something suddenly makes you happy.
• You have cancer when all you have is a bruise or a headache.

It just sounds stupid and ignorant. So stop saying you have allergies when you don't. Like any disease/condition, food allergies have a list of diagnostic criteria. If you are unsure of whether or not you have a food allergy, I urge you to see a doctor because like I said, food allergies can be life-threatening. If you have been incorrectly using the term, don't fret, the food allergy community forgives you. No one can be expected to do something unless they have been properly educated. Consider this your education. Now you have no excuse.

I love silver linings, but sometimes it is important to admit that no matter how many silver linings you can find, things can still suck! For a long time, I have worked hard to be optimistic about food allergies. I try and remind myself that they force me to eat healthy, that they have given me empathy for my patients on the ambulance, that they allow me to have my own apartment, that things could be worse, etc. (I don't want to go on and on.) 

Last night, I had my fifth anaphylactic reaction and my third ER trip since January of this year (note: don't be like me, go to the ER every time you use epinephrine). The truth is, anaphylaxis sucks for everyone involved. It sucks for me because it makes me feel like complete crap. It sucks for my friends/family because it makes them worry and scares them. And, it sucks for the health care staff involved because it gives them more work. Long story short, anaphylaxis isn't fun for anyone.

Every time I have an anaphylactic reaction, I end up feeling sick for days; I get hives that come and go, my asthma flares, I loose my appetite and I feel like I want to crawl into my bed and never come out. My reactions mess with my school work and my social life and honestly I am tired of being allergic to things. But most of all, I am tired of anaphylactic reactions. 

According to my Mom's yoga teacher, we all do this thing called spiritual bypass. We tell ourselves things like "it could be worse" or "it makes me stronger" as a way to cope. We bypass "it sucks" or "this could kill me" as an attempt to save our own emotions. When don't admit how much things suck, we end up stuffing our emotions because saying "this makes me stronger" doesn't get rid of the negative emotions surrounding weakness and vulnerability that we also feel. Stuffing emotions is unhealthy and eventually can lead to manifestations in our emotional and physical well being. Personally, I am spiritual bypasser.  

After anaphylactic reactions, or days when food allergies seem interfere with my life, I usually try and mentally list the benefits of food allergies in an attempt to force myself to forget how much food allergies suck. Today though is different. I am tired of stuffing my emotions and I am tired of pretending that having food allergies is a walk in the park. Today I am admitting, publicly that food allergies SUCK. I would not wish them on my worst enemy. In writing this, I am NOT asking for sympathy and I am NOT writing this because I am an entitled brat who's life isn't going her way. I am writing this because it is time I am honest with myself and you all as my readers. Today, there will be no sugar coating. Here is why, food allergies SUCK:

1. They make my grocery bill 5x more expensive than it needs to be.
2. They take away my freedom to eat out at restaurants and other people's houses. 
3. They took away my chance to have a normal freshman year in a college dorm.
4. They make dating and kissing tricky and potentially dangerous. 
5. They make handshakes super awkward and potentially dangerous.
6. They make going on family vacations hard and super stressful on my parents.
7. They make holding down a typical starter job like a waitress or food store clerk near impossible.
8. I can't just go to a party and drink from the vat of mystery punch. In fact, they make it so I can't drink at all.
9. They turn me from provider to patient--which I hate. 
10. I have to carry around my epipens where ever I go--even if they don't conveniently fit anywhere.
11. Any place more than 25 minutes away from the hospital is off limits for travel.
12. I have to get allergy shots...weekly.
13. I feel like they make me a burden on my friends.
14. They make it so I have to go to three different grocery stores just so I can get all the food I need.
15. The medications they give me to combat anaphylaxis make me feel almost as crappy as the anaphylaxis itself...namely IV benadryl and epinephrine. 
16. They make it so any bite could be my last.
17. They make me worry that one day my family will get the call that something happened to me.
18. Because of my multiple life threatening food allergies, multiple people have told me that when I am ready to go, all I should do is go out to eat and order whatever I want and not give myself my epipens once I start reacting. (Let it be known that food allergies are NOT going to be what puts me 6 feet under)
19. Because of them, I am currently in mile high debt to everyone who has ever helped/saved me during an anaphylactic reactions.
20. The have caused my parents, friends and teachers to have to stab me. 

It is important to unstuff our emotional baggage from time to time. Honestly, that felt amazing and I hope that you will take a chance to unstuff your emotional baggage as well. Why do you or your child/friend/relative's food allergies suck? Come on, I know you want to get it off your chest!